Epiphany

It's first real week of the year. Twelfth Night has passed, the trees are down and trimmings stowed away for next year. Kids are back to school, and work proceeds more regularly as it did before "Christmas Chaos" took over. Sad as it usually would have been for me, I forewent the decorating and diet this year, for a number of reasons, not least of which was financial.
So it's back to job hunting for me!
Yesterday, I began what will be the first track for a new project-yet to be named. A dear old friend asked me to be his partner in an electronic duo. It's the perfect arrangement-I sing for his project, and he plays bass for mine! Our first session was surprisingly productive, little self-consciousness, good focus, and a great synchronicity of ideas. Tomorrow is a session with B. for my own work. It's great to know I'll have a bass player in the future, but without a drummer, nothing can really move forward. Frustration and worry...

I wasted the better part of last year bemoaning my procrastinate nature and lack of inspiration.I'm amazed that B.has remained, faithfully waiting for me to get my shit together at last, and raise my head from the bedclothes-figuratively AND literally. While many causes of my latest depressive episode were situational-anyone would have mourned the losses I suffered this year-I fell victim to my chemistry yet again. It was mitigated by the medication I've been taking. I can only imagine how bad it would have been had I not been taking it. Oh,so much time wasted trying to rouse enthusiasm and confidence! Each passing day further and further from my goal; defeating my most cherished dream! The more I avoided it, the less I felt it was deserved. The illness plays cruel tricks with your mind. Even as I intellectualised the necessities of work-work that I loved, an hour might pass me seated in a chair, coat on, keys in hand, completely immobile. Eventually I would give up, and crawl back into bed. I stopped calling to cancel altogether. B just knew.
Bless B! Incredibly understanding of my situation, and patient as a saint. I suppose it doesn't hurt that like most artists,he suffers from the same affliction, not as severely as I do, but enough to know how difficult the disease can be.

Back in the studio soon!

Yet this New Year seems to have shifted axis; awoken something long dormant. If Sunday was any indication, inspiration has kicked into gear. I'm anxious about tomorrow-but for the first time in a long time-looking forward to it.
I haven't called to "reschedule" yet, anyway...